Everything is as it seems

I’m going out tonight,
a zombie on the streets.
Decked in black jeans,
a sweatshirt,
and headband from nineteen ninety eight

I was eleven
back then.
I used to even ski!
And in these clothes
I will feast.

On passerbys.
Others will watch and think
we’re just pretending.
But, I won’t be kidding,
I will eat.

Motorists pull over
In an attempt to calm me.
A bite of them and I will be forgiven
in the name of Jesus. Amen.
My victims will experience martyrdom.

Be seated, sir, at the right hand of our lord.
I will be forgiven.
In the name of Jesus, I feast.
For I’m eating thee with regards of the spirit.
Welcome to my church.

Your body is my temple
and to this I pray.
Amen.
Now say thirty Hail Marys
For now I eat.

A city full of sin,
Of gays,
And bars,
And junkies.
I won’t have trouble.

I will find my congregation
Ten Bloody Marys deep.
Thy will be medium rare,
On earth as it is at dinner,
Amen.

I will eat

I will raze the trash bins
and pick out everything
behind maternity wards.
Unborn,
like a demon.

And I will be forgiven
and seated, with respect.
In my vicious martyrdom,
of which you’ll all be victims,
I am forgiven

My acts are justified
for I am legion.

kicking water when nothing's a better feeling than anything

you swim in it till you drown
you breath in as she puts her hands around your neck
choking you till you cant feel it anymore
kicking water when nothing's a better feeling than anything
veins bulge and struggle to push blood through them
you wonder why they were ever there at all
and maybe theyre just lazy
and maybe theyve been beaten down
but I'm not breathin' with phantom all white and naked
and everythings just alright with me

For John Donne

"Never lose sight of his love."

His long beard is caked with dust
and dirt.
It smells of sweat, we both,
but it brushes against my cheek
as his dried lips
cracked from the sand-heavy wind
Brush against mine.
No miracle,
but warmth and strength.
His hands are hardened from
carpentry and magic
and they slide up my back
but he is short and they
barely reach my shoulders
I bend my head further.
His tongue tastes of gristle
and raw grains.
There is a sense of acceptance
in the movement of his lips
on
mine.
No miracle,
but human skin that sweats
the same warmth
and scent.
He has decided not to change my life.
His chin and nose are pronounced,
the nose rubs gently
against the flesh just under my eye-
sockets, eyes closed, I can see
when they open,
a short man, carpenter,
he smiles.

Upon awakening, i tell my dreams to someone else

you never expressed so much regret

the other times you left me.

time has never warranted this,

the lavender song has lost its time and scent.

i will grow a large beard

and rough you up

to forget my childish ways.

i have learned to isolate my fantasies.

~

you think you can hammer out

your indiscretions on an anvil of pulp.

let me have time to lick my wounds

like the god that i am.

~

it’s comforting when she says,

“you can’t like me as much as i like you.”

in my insecurity, i know it’s true.

it’s cold and the gas won’t be turned on

for another week. she was right,'

this bed can’t be slept in alone.

ambiguous symphony

cannonballs but in the abstract;
violins linger as though
walking through a
city of bohemian beggars.
rivaling renditioners
of beethoven compete for your money
from opposite sides of the street.
the notes juxtapose to perform the most precise beauty
ever born of trifling rivalries
and you are haunted by an irreplecable song for the next three days.
a cannonball tears through
your car stereo in rush hour traffic,
it flies down the lane two more miles before
it comes to a stop.
somehow, everyone has been waiting for this to happen.
somewhere in the atlantic,
fourty tons and fifteen months of construction
become the blip on the radar screen
that is no longer blip-ing.
it reminds you of
being spanked to tears as a child upon misbehaving,
of being put in your place only yours lacked the finality.
seconds before an ocean wave
that is really a schizophrenic mountain
screams all kinds of nihilism at you
you realize that the stars
are very pronounced and numerous
in the middle of the ocean at night.
cannonballs fly but in the abstract,
there are violins and stars, though they drown too;
the ocean is large.
you too with ambiguity envy such a death.
pure, unrestrained and final.
the cars ahead of you are moving again.